Relationship Resource Center
RELATIONSHIP REFLECTIONS

Worlds Apart: When We Are Not in Curiosity, We Probably Are in Judgment

A few months ago, our daughter Danielle left her new cell phone in a dressing room, and it was stolen.

Adios, phone. Fugetaboutit. We’ll never see that again.

But Suzanne decides she wants to go to the police and report a stolen phone. So I tell her, “are you kidding?” Furthermore, she wants me to go with her to make the report. I can not imagine a bigger waste of time, as I am certain the police will do absolutely nothing after taking her report. So she hijacks me on our way home from a movie and drives Danielle and me to a police station, totally against my will and me complaining all the way, refusing to be of any help at all to her as she reports a stolen cell phone to the Denver police.

We were worlds apart on this one.

She was really angry with me the rest of that night until we talked the next day. She felt unsupported and deserted by me, and I felt dismissed and ignored by her. Finally, out of curiosity, I asked her why was it important to go to the police when they probably would not do anything except take a report and file it away? She said she didn’t know whether they would do anything or not, but it was important to her to go with Danielle and me to file a report so that Danielle could experience us taking what action we could rather than doing nothing. Danielle completely agreed with her and shared that it was also important to her that we went to the police.

Fotolia_66748363_XSThank God for curiosity. Someone said to me recently “when we are not in curiosity, we probably are in judgment.” It finally made sense to me why it was important to Suzanne to go to the police.

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it has the power to heal relationships. And as it turns out – a month after we filed the police report, Danielle got her phone back!

By John Mariner,
Licensed Clinical Social Worker

What Does Love Ask Of Me Today? Be Moved, Be Motivated From Love

As I finished meditating this morning and was about to jump up and start moving compulsively into activity, I felt this imperative, this need, to be still, to be quiet, to listen . . . I felt both stirred and peaceful.

A queer, strange, peaceful, disquieting grace.
Don’t move yet, please don’t move.
So I didn’t move for many minutes . . .

hands and heartAt last, I asked myself what does love ask of me today?

To be moved, to be motivated from love, rather than fear or obligation or the past or the opinion of others.

I needed to sit still a little more.

To respond from love.
To move from love.
To act from love
.

I write this in love, from love of You and all of you this morning.
You shall love Me with your whole heart, your whole mind, your whole strength, with your whole soul and others as your Self.
Love your Self and love others as your Self. All others every where. No exceptions. Peace.

By John Mariner,
Licensed Clinical Social Worker