A Rare Occurrence In Our Culture? Men Who Like Women and Women Who Like Men

Sadly, men who like women and women who like men are pretty rare in this culture.

Before you object absolutely to this statement, let me try to explain what I mean a little further. I am not talking about physical, sexual or romantic attraction between men and women, which is wonderful and exciting and better than the cat’s meow! (I can already hear some of you, particularly some of you guys saying, “So what else is there?”)

What gets in the way of deep caring and fondness between men and women is what I call following Terry Real, the dance of entitlement and resentment that entraps men and women in their closest relationships with one another.

I have come to really like women only as I have been willing to look at, understand, and change my entitled positions and move to a position of same as. Same as is basically the realization that I am not better or worse, higher or lower than any other person, man or woman. Coming to like, care for and trust women has been one of the gifts of my growth towards real equality I never could have imagined. Starting out on my journey, I did not realize that letting go of entitlement would feel much better than the alternative.

Women, for their part, have to be willing to let go of their resentment towards men. Resentment is a poison we carry for someone else and keep drinking ourselves. It is much easier for women to give up resentment when men move out of entitlement. Poison is still poison, however, and one way or another women have to let resentment go, even if it means moving away from men who love their entitlements more than them.

For my part, I am hopeful. I see men that I work with and love growing and changing, even when the growth and change is challenging to their up-bringing in what I call “guy school.” I see women turning to these men hesitatingly at first and more and more affectionately as their hearts open to one another. I am hopeful because I see my daughter both having excellent boundaries and being fond of the men in her life. I like to think her mother and I have something to do with that. I like that she likes herself, and I especially like that she seems to genuinely like me, in spite of my limitations and imperfections.

By John Mariner,
Licensed Clinical Social Worker

One response - click here to join the conversation to “A Rare Occurrence In Our Culture? Men Who Like Women and Women Who Like Men”

1. Kathy says:

   June 11, 2013 at 4:18 pm

   Nice! John ,
   Let’s have breakfast soon.
   Fondly,
   Kathy

   Reply