Self-Esteem: A Frequently Misunderstood Concept

I am deeply grateful to Pia Melody and Terry Real for their work on self-esteem, and their clarification of an extremely important and frequently misunderstood concept.

In contemporary society, it is all too common to base our self-esteem on WHAT WE HAVE (e.g., how much money do we have or not have), WHAT WE DO (a doctor is more important than a janitor), or THE OPINION OF OTHERS (if others have a good opinion of me, I’m OK, and if they don’t, then I’m not OK). While these are indeed powerful influences in our lives, we cannot let them be the basis of our self-esteem or self-worth, in part because they are all three subject to change, often in very short order!

The solid basis of self-esteem is what is intrinsic to myself and all human beings.

I’M ENOUGH AND I MATTER IN SPITE OF MY IMPERFECTIONS AND LIMITATIONS (AND SO ARE YOU)!

This is essentially what it means to be human. As simple and true as these words are, they are often disturbing and challenging to us. We often don’t believe that we are enough, we matter and others are enough and they matter, too. But if we are willing to let this good news begin to sink in, it might just change our lives.

By John Mariner,
Licensed Clinical Social Worker